Let me Live that Fantasy...

Hi guys and dolls! I hope you are all doing well and your 2014 is off to a great start! I feel as though I'm still stuck in 2013 waiting for the ball to drop metaphorically in my life. But I do have a better outlook on life right now and a kick ass song that helps me stay positive when I feel my thoughts swerving to the left; "Be optimistic! Don't cha be a grumpy! When the road gets bumpy, just smile! Smile! Smile! And be happy! Haha! Lately I have been stressing out over winning this trip to NY Fashion Week, I literally have not put down my phone but I thought I'd try to take a break and get my mind off of it by sharing my other current short term goal with you,  apartment living. I know this may sound weird and I could possibly be contradicting myself but I have always dreamt of what it would be like to live in my very own apartment in a big city. I am constantly imagining how it would look, how I would decorate it, what meals i'd cook in the kitchen once a week, I even dream about cleaning it... yeah I know, I'm strange! 

Below are my favorite apartment looks and inspirations I'm keeping in mind when I do get one. 

CURRENT OBSESSIONS: 

Exposed Brick

I absolutely LOVE how exposed brick looks against stark white walls. Alone they're very ordinary to look at but when married in the same space they add so much charisma and romanticism to the room. At least thats how I view them.

Feminine Decor:

I am such an girly girl at heart! No matter how dark or crazy my fashion is or becomes I will never cease to come apart at the sight of ruffles, tufts, pastels and lace haha. here's some ideas of how I would decorate the bedroom and living room, just imagine it next to the white walls and exposed brick oh I DIE!

Love this look for small office section, I can already feel the inspiration to write!

Balconies:

Oh my gosh my obsession with balconies has existed ever since the age of twelve  when I took my first trip to New Orleans. I will have one where ever I decide to move to it is a must and a deal breaker for me entirely.

I realize that this is a very large balcony and not a realistic idea of one I would get but I just love the  cozy couch with lots of pillows and the stringed lights, so much inspiration!

 I love the idea of taking a balcony and turning it into a sanctuary like space. I could see myself out here, cup of coffee in hand and just typing away on my mac while the hustle and bustle of the city sings beneath me mmm delicious!


Thanks for reading as always! Love and appreciate your support! I hope you enjoyed my little obsession post have a great day and smile at a stranger, you never know who needs some positivity today :)

Closet Sale 2014 :)

Hey guys I finally finished the preparation for my closet sale so here it is! See something you'd like to purchase? Comment below what item or items you'd like to purchase along with your email and I will get in touch with you ASAP thank you so much for stopping by and happy shopping! Much love! :)

DRESSES:

Floral maxi dress from Juicy Couture 

Size: SMALL

Price: $40                              

Paid $60 for it with discount

Neon pink bandage dress really cute for summer! By Wow Couture Boutique

Size: SMALL

Price: $30

Paid $50 for it

Lavender asymmetrical dress from Love Culture, NWT, laces in the back but it is way to small for me so I had to remove the string lol but I have it so no worries!

Size: MEDIUM but it fits like a tight small

Price: $15

Denim bustier dress from a local boutique

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

Emerald green dress from H & M only worn once

Size: 4 (small)

Price: $15

The infamous sweater dress lol from Forever 21

Size: SMALL

Price: $8

Dark teal front zip dress from boutique

Size: SMALL fits like a medium

Price: $7

Sparkly striped dress from Forever 21

Size: MEDIUM

Price: $8

Beaded asymmetrical dress from forever 21

Size: MEDIUM

Price: $10

Khaki romper very cute NTW 

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

TOPS:

High low striped top from boutique

Size: SMALL

Price: $8

Floral blouse from boutique

Size: SMALL

Price: $8

Black and white striped box blous from boutique 

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

Feminine crop top very in this spring!

Size: SMALL

Price: $7

Printed blouse from Michael Kors

Size: SMALL

Price: $15

Leopard print blouse super cute for summer!

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

Reptilian print blouse cute for a night out!

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

Super cute top that can be worn off the shoulders by Michael Kors

Size: XSMALL

Price: $15

BOTTOMS:

Comfy leopard print maxi skirt

Size: XSMALL stretchy

Price: $12

Cute high waist tribal skirt NBW

Size: SMALL

Price: $8

Navy blue high waist tulle skirt

Size: XSMALL fits like a small

Price: $6

Really cute high waist skirt

Size: SMALL

Price: $6

Red high waist skirt with gold buttons from forever 21 NBW

Size: SMALL fits like like an xsmall

Price: $7

Miss me low rise boot cut jeans only worn once

Size: 25

Price: $50 paid $111 for them

OUTERWEAR:

Perry winkle crocheted cardigan

Size: SMALL

Price: $10

Elle Magenta blazer only worn once 

Size: XSMALL

price: $10

Lace asymmetrical jacket NBW

Sze: SMALL

Price: $10

SHOES:

Vince Camuto bandage heels 

Size: 7

Price: $15

Rose gold scrappy heels NBW

Size: 7

Price: $10

Gold Pierre Dumas strappy heels 

Size: 7

Price: $15

Jessica Simpson heels

Size: 7 1/2

Price: $8

Peeptoe booties super comfy

Size: 7

Price: $10

Gianni bini color block heels

Size: 7

Price: $20

Mary Jane heels 

Size: 7

Price: $10

EXPOSING THE TRUTH PART ONE

Hi everyone! It has been approximately four months since I posted anything and I apologize for that. I had a few set backs that I have been dealing with and trying to find a place to store them in my mind has taken a lot longer than I thought it would but I'm back, for now any ways and in the spirit of my openness and honesty I thought I'd share with you what I was going through prior to those four months.  I know I usually post things about fashion of my adventures but tonight I wanted share something that I recently went through with you.

For those of you who know me, I'm sure you're highly aware of my feelings on bullying, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, pretty much any kind of abuse but for those of you who don't, I'll explain. I am extremely against bullying and any kind of abuse and after my experiences with it, I swore up and down that I would never let it happen to me again or so I thought.  I've always said I would never tolerate a man putting his hands on me or disrespecting me as a person. I would shake my head in shame for the women that stayed with an abusive person, I never understood it and I couldn't help but lose respect for those women that chose to stay. Well, I'm here to apologize on behalf of those women because the saying runs true, you never know what someone is going through until you go though it too.

As you all know I was in a relationship with a guy around July and though I excelled at making it seem perfect, the reality of it was far from perfection. The reality is actually hard to digest. Its very difficult to talk about but just knowing I could possibly help someone in my situation see that there is a way out would be more than worth the embarrassment of exposing the truth to you.

Let me make it known that when things were good between him and I, we were great but when they were bad it was catastrophic. He did spoil me with lavish gifts and expensive trips at the beginning of our relationship and at first he was perfect but I would soon realize how short-lived that would be. We dated for five months and not even two months into our relationship, we began fighting. Our fights weren't just minor miscommunications, they were full on, screaming matches except I never screamed back, I somehow would lose my ability to speak and it would just be him in my face verbally throwing all my insecurities into focus. He violated my spirit, my mind and even my body over and over again. He went as far as to tell me not to wear something and if I tried to stand up to him he never failed to make me regret it. He had no problem making me feel stupid or ridiculing me for my passions and beliefs. And I can honestly say I have never been in so much physical and emotional pain in my entire life. I was completely alone and miserable, I started questioning my sanity, my worth, why I was still breathing. I truly thought about checking into a mental hospital because he messed me up so badly. I was not allowed to wear anything to bed even if I was freezing because he would get mad. Nothing I ever did was considered enough in his eyes and I just couldn't understand why I was the way I was. I felt defective and completely incompetent. I never told anyone all the things he was doing to me and maybe it was because of fear or embarrassment or it might have been the fact that no one would believe that Mr. perfect could do these kinds of things. Whatever the reason I had no choice but to keep quiet about my personal hell. You might be wondering why I stayed with him for as long as I did. I have never completed anything in my life other than graduating high school, I always give up a couple weeks into something whether it be a job or a project or a relationship (with men anyway). When something gets too hard my automatic response is to shut down give up and walk away. I just really wanted to break the habit, I wanted to make myself grow up so I stayed and endured the pain. I just kept telling myself it would get better, I just have to be a better girlfriend. The day I decided to leave would be one that will stick with me forever.

We had just fought two days before and weren't exactly on talking terms. He left around 2pm and told me he was going to the store for a bit. I said okay I love you, he said nothing. Hours went by with no texts and no calls from him. I had just finished cooking his dinner, it was around 8 pm when I texted him saying I know you don't want to hear from me right now but I just wanted to let you know I made you dinner so its ready for you whenever you get home, I love you. He replied two hours later with five words... "I'm gonna be home late" and I said okay thank you for letting me know. So what's late? 12 am? 3am? 6am? I remember falling asleep on the couch after crying on the phone to my mom for hours. When I woke up, I immediately checked my phone only to find  an empty call list and inbox, the clock read 8am. I went upstairs to see if he had come home while I was sleeping, he hadn't. I told my mom he hadn't come home and that I had yet to hear from him, she told me that I should just pack my things and my dad would be on his way to come get me.

 I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I tried to gather my stuff as fast as I possibly could running to the window to check for his car every two minutes and then I heard the garage door open and my heart just... dropped. I still to this day can't listen to a garage door without my heart plummeting. In that moment I feared for my life. I had no idea what was going to happen. I heard his footsteps and all I remember thinking was "Oh God, please be watching over me right now." As he came into the room our eyes met. I couldn't move. There I stood, packed bags in hand, frozen in fear uncertain of what he would do to me. Instead of questioning what was wrong or suggesting we should sit down and talk about this, his immaturity took over. "Almost got all your stuff packed up?" Yes,. "Your parents coming to get you?" Yes,. "Ok great." He walked out and before I had a chance to recollect what just happened, he charged back in the room with all guns blazing. Screaming in my face, throwing objects at me, ripping my things to shreds and yelling the most awful things you could ever imagine. And even though I was in tears trying to hide from him in the closet, he continued on for what seemed like hours. When my dad finally arrived and I got into his car and we drove away, I cant explain the feeling that came over me as anything else but relief and gratitude. It felt amazing and for the first time in five months, I felt true honest to God happiness.

I still believe to this day if my dad didn't get there when he did, I would've been terribly hurt if not dead. I have no doubts. I feel very lucky and thankful to have been able to get out when I did but some women do not get that chance. If you are in an abusive relationship whether it be verbal, physical, emotional or sexual please know that, that's not real love. Real love is always selfless, kind and accepting. It makes you want to be the best person you can be, it's not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable or like you cant be yourself. Real love doesn't make you question your worth or why you are the way you are and it certainly doesn't make you fear for your life. It makes you feel alive not dead.

I struggle everyday with trying to forgive him and not hate him for the things he did to me and somedays its just too hard to even think about it but I am trying. I have however learned to forgive myself for letting it happen. I think you have to, we're only human and sometimes we forget to watch out for ourselves because we're so wrapped up in that other person and the perfect picture of them we have created in our minds. We get comfortable and don't want to leave even though we know how much we need to. There's a quote that I absolutely love, "Life and happiness begins at the end of your comfort zone." It's so true, I experienced it when I decided to get out of my abusive relationship and now it's your turn. You have to remember how valuable and vital you are to this world, you need to know that you are wanted and appreciated and that you don't deserve to be treated this way no matter what they've told you or made you believe. Here this when I say, there is nothing wrong with you and that your pain and suffering matters to someone, it matters to me. It's not insignificant and neither are you.

Below are some hotlines that I highly recommend for those of you that need or know someone that needs the support, advice or just someone to listen:

       The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
     The National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

You can also email me at emmybearrr@yahoo.com and I will be more than happy to listen and help you as much as I can. Thank you so much for reading I know this was a lot and for those of you who made it to this part, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. I love you and appreciate you all so much and remember I'm only a type away! <3 EM

CHANEL PRODUCT REVIEWS! :)

Hey guys hope all is well! I am literally days away from Vegas and I cannot contain my excitement!! Anyways thats not what this post is about. I recently was introduced Chanel's skin care line by my wonderful boyfriend so i wanted to do a review and share my experiences with these products with you guys :)

I have really oily skin so the lady suggested the Mousse Exfolliante, it has green micro beads that help to scrub away dirt oil and make up as well as gently exfoliate the skin. I loveee this cleanser so much! Usually, youre only supposed to exfoliate once or twice a week but this stuff is so gentle I can use twice a day. You dont need a lot because this stuff foams up pretty well, plus it smells fantastic!

Next she suggested I use a toner to close up my pores after cleaning my face. I adore this toner, its so cool and refreshing it smells great and it doesnt leave your face feeling dry or tight I love it!

She also suggested the Hydra Beauty Serum for my trip to Vegas because of how dry the air is out there. I was really iffy about it just because I try to steer clear of anything with the word hydration in it but its actually really light and makes my face feel silky smooth instead of greasy and gross like most hydrating products. I will definitely continue to use this product before and after vegas because I love the way it feels on my skin!

And lastly for the skin care line, Le Lift creme. This stuff is amazing! First off, I know it says lift but its actually not a lifting cream. Its a smart cream meaning it adjusts to your face chemistry helping to give you the right amount of hydration for your skin type.

Again going back to my oily skin, I try my hardest to stay away from face creams and lotions because I thought I already had plenty of hydration thanks to all the oil accumulating on my face. However oil and hydration are two completely different things and I didnt learn this until the lady at the Chanel counter set me straight. Turns out if you have oily or combination skin and arent using moisturizer day and night, you are actually harming your skin more than helping it and i'll tell you why. When you cleanse oily or combination skin and skip the moisturizer, your face will be dry yes but as the day or night goes by you will accumulate more and more oil because thats the only way your face knows how to react to the dryness causing more breakouts and lots of irritation. Ever since I started using my hydra beauty serum followed by my le lift creme i have seen a dramatic difference in my skin! its less oily, I hardly have any breakouts and my skin has never looked more vibrant and youthful it is a complete night a day.

I also needed a bronzer because my face is really round so I have to contour so she suggested the healthy glow sheer color in the color N40. I really like this bronzer its very light and blends perfectly into my skin plus you can use it as a touch up powder as well.


























I also needed a new foundation because Im not tanning like I was so now all my foundations are way too dark and just look like im wearing dirt. I love this foundation though it keeps my face looking matte pretty much all day but i still have a glow so it doesnt make me look dull and lifeless. I have in it the color beige 2.0

I also needed a new mascara because all mine were getting dried out and old and the lady at the counter  showed me this really cool mascara in blue which at first I was kind of skepitcal but after she applied it my eyes instantly popped and looked bigger. I now cannot go anywhere without putting this mascara on it is amazing! the color is blue 20 by the way.

I have never really had a good blush nor have I ever really used one but I couldnt resist after I saw the difference in my face. You dont need a lot I actually blow off the excess on my brush because if not its way too much! This is in the color tumulte



















I dont really have bags under my eyes but I do have spots and a few imperfections from having acne and I really love how well this covers my spots and marks and it blends so evenly I like to use my beauty blender to get the best results. The color is in beige petale.

I dont know about you but my lips stay chapped all the time! No matter what I put on them or how much I reapply it my lips never stay hydrated so I mentioned this to the lady and she told me that lips are membranes just like the inside of your nose, and most of the lip balms like carmex, blister, and vaseline dont hydrate the lips because it just sits on top of them instead of soaking into them.  With Coco rouge balme thats exactly what the product does. And i can say ever since I started using it my lips are less likely to chap and I dont need to keep reapplying it ever hour.

So thats all my new Chanel products, certainly wont be the last reviews I'll do. I hope you were able to find my reviews and experiences helpful and informative! Feel free to leave me comments below about your favorite Chanel products or if you have any questions about the ones listed above I'll be glad to answer them. Wishing you guys a wonderful week and please stay tuned for my post about my trip to Vegas! God bless! XOXO EM