NEW POSTS COMING SOON!

Hey lovelies! It's been so long, too long I know Im sorry! I've just been on the fence about what to blog about and last year was a very chaotic one what with moving three times and jumping from job to job but its a new year and I'm finally ready to pick back up with this again :) Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and just wanted to share with you that I have missed you all and I will be back in action on here very soon so stay tuned and thank you so much for reading and for all your support! Love you guys, stay beautiful! xx

My Special Love Relationship

 I want to share a lesson I experienced recently. A couple of months ago I met someone and it changed my way of thinking forever.  At first it was just light conversation and small talk but as we got to know each other better, I started to see tiny slivers of their soul breaking through their exterior and oh my God was it beautiful. Almost too beautiful if I'm being honest. I found myself having to shield my eyes from the light shining so brightly from within this human being. It wasn't long before found myself starting to doubt who I was and dimming my own light. I started comparing myself and everything about me to this person. They were very creative and had a way with words I had never encountered before. They were very open in the way they lived their life. Fearlessness and adventure coursed through their veins. They were kind and thoughtful and laced with great intentions. They didn't judge or resent others for being different and had no trouble sharing what was on their mind without a filter and with purpose behind it. This person was very much like me but because I put them on a pedestal, I couldn't see that. I could feel myself starting to diminish a little at a time. My goals became childish, my writing incompetent, the love in my heart not as significant and the little things that made me who I am became silly and worthless to me. All I could see was how much better of a person I thought they were than me. "Thought" being the keyword here. How much smarter this person was than me, how much more experienced, how much more kind and thoughtful and happy and lovely. It was awful. I became obsessed, I wanted to be just like them because I thought they were perfect and who I thought I was would never match up. I was stuck in the destructive grips of a special love relationship. A special love relationship is where you idolize another human being by placing them on a pedestal and they become your overall source of happiness. It doesn't always have to be romantic though it can be through a mentor or a teacher or a celebrity but one thing it can never be is helpful. Special love relationships are extremely devastating to your self esteem and they can happen to anyone at anytime. I'm sure you can think of one you've concocted yourself. Whether it be a well known person on instagram, a crush, a famous motivational speaker, that girl on Facebook that seems to have the perfect life. Anyone can affect us and the way we see ourselves. It is a choice though I assure you. A special love relationship is not something that just happens. You make the conscious effort to destruct the moment you decide to put that person and their accomplishments above your own. Now don't get me wrong its fine to look up to someone, just don't lose sight of your light while in awe theirs. Anyways back to my story. I was sitting there projecting this image of perfection onto this person when suddenly something told me I needed to take a step back and look at the damage I had done to myself. I begin to ask myself a series of questions. Why would I allow myself to belittle who I was like that? Why was I so enthralled by this person and their qualities? What made me think they were better than myself? And then it hit me. The light and qualities I admired and celebrated so much in this person were equal to the light and qualities within me. I have a good heart, an open mind, a wonderful way with words and a strong purpose behind them. I live without judgment, I love adventure, i'm kind, thoughtful and my goals are just as good and challenging as anyones. It took me believing in myself to see all of this though. It took, little by little, peeling back the layers I had created to block out my light. It also took me telling myself that the light and qualities I am drawn to in this person is a reflection of my own, no more, no less but completely the same. Over and over and over but finally I was able to see the truth. and set me free, it did. So if you find yourself putting someone else above you or on a pedestal whether it be a lover, a teacher, a crush, a guru, take a step back and ask yourself why am I so drawn to this person, why do I idolize them so much and then slowly start to pull the layers back until you are able to see your light. Until you are able to see the truth, that the light or quality you admire in them is a mere reflection of that which is inside of you. Eventually you'll realize that we are all equal. No human being is better or worse than you. No one is more or less special. We all are one constant source of light and energy and everyone is a big part of it continuing. It's a hard thing to accept but once you do, you're introduced to a whole new way of thinking. There is no longer judgement, hate, jealousy or envy. There is no idolization or obsession. There is only love. Love for yourself, love for your creator and love for the universe and everything that inhabits it. Believe in yourself, know and love who you are, celebrate and nurture your light and never let anyone's light or qualities make you doubt your own. 

Thank you for reading! Sending you all light love and happiness. Namaste. <3Em

A sincere thank you to all the beautiful souls in my life.

My dad started his chemo and radiation today. 

This experience has been completely eye opening for me. 

Not only has it taught me to live everyday with purpose, appreciation and love but also the true light of one's soul. It's amazing to see who is there for you through the outstanding hardships. 

Those that I had hoped would be there weren't and those that I never would have expected to be there, were offering my family the kindest gestures of support. 

I found this to be enlightening as well as incredibly disappointing. 

However I know this realization will only help me to see who's worth my energy and love and who isn't. 

For those of you that reached out with your support, checked on me and my family daily or offered not only encouraging words but your precious time and assistance in helping my family out, I want to sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

You're thoughtfulness and your eagerness to help us in any way you can means more to me than I will ever be able to explain and you will always have a special place in my heart.

 As for those of you that didn't care to reach out, I have forgiven you for your absence when I needed you the most. I can't afford to hold onto anything but love and positivity right now.

 I refuse to let any of this experience affect me in a negative way, everything that has happened or will happen from this moment on is a constructive blessing that will shape and transform me into the person I am striving to be everyday, it can only make my family and I stronger and that's the beauty I choose to focus on.

 I am beyond grateful for my family, my true friends and the most phenomenal staff at Mobile Infirmary, we certainly have the absolute best support team behind us and I just can't tell you how truly wonderful it is to know that.

Thank you for reading and all your continuous support, it means the world to me, wishing you all a wonderful day full of positivity and light and love. XOXO Em

My night with Tom Collins… a Photoshoot.

Hey guys miss me? :) I'm sorry it has been months since I have posted on here. The honest truth is I haven't really felt like posting anything, I haven't done a photo shoot in a while and my camera is still broken so that means no outfit posts. However saturday night, while pining over exes and almost lovers in a gin induced state, my friend and I decided an impromptu photo shoot was just what we needed to lift our spirits. After painting our faces and another glass of liquid courage, We grabbed a candle, a lighter and my camera and set off to find more light, Lana Del Rey's voice leading the way. Turns out I have a very large light source in my very own backyard so we didn't have to go far. We tried many ways to avoid using the flash but it was inevitable. Although, there were a few moments of "Oh wait.. that's really interesting looking!" This was just for fun, they weren't meant to be professional looking or for a purpose other than we needed a distraction from the mind chatter. Credit goes to my good friend Kirsten Martinez to see her actual work visit her page.

                 

I was so excited about how the candle fit perfectly in the tree haha.

Thanks for reading and I am going to try to get back into posting weekly if not daily so check back to see whats new with me :) Have a wonderful night, sending much love and good vibes to you all! <3Em

Florals and Stripes

Bodysuit and Hat from Forever 21, Skirt and Jewelry from Body Central, Jacket from H&M, Shoes from Ross

Hey guys long time no talk and I have a legitimate reason for that I swear. Lately I've been having a rough time. I slipped into a dark episode of depression and couldn't eat sleep or do anything besides cry for about a week. I lost my motivation to post anything fashion related hell I didn't even have the drive to research anything fashion related and thats saying something. But I'm starting to feel like myself again as well as eating and I have my anxiety attacks under control. So I thought I'd do an outfit post to get back in the swing of things :) I dont have much time to post because i have a really busy day tomorrow but I just love the look of floral prints and stripes worn together. Its a really playful combination and instantly trendy you really can't go wrong with pairing the two. 

Thanks for reading as always and thank you for all the awesome support I love getting your messages and comments you inspire me every single day! Wishing you all a wonderful week! I may not be on here as often because of work and I just got a casting audition for a movie being filmed in Mobile so I'll be busy with that and wont be able to post much but I will post daily on my tumblr because thats just reblogging and takes a second lol so feel free to follow me and stay in touch with me on there, love you guys<3

XOXO Em<3

Tumblr: here

Photos taken by Julie Derker, check out the rest of her awesome work here