My Special Love Relationship

 I want to share a lesson I experienced recently. A couple of months ago I met someone and it changed my way of thinking forever.  At first it was just light conversation and small talk but as we got to know each other better, I started to see tiny slivers of their soul breaking through their exterior and oh my God was it beautiful. Almost too beautiful if I'm being honest. I found myself having to shield my eyes from the light shining so brightly from within this human being. It wasn't long before found myself starting to doubt who I was and dimming my own light. I started comparing myself and everything about me to this person. They were very creative and had a way with words I had never encountered before. They were very open in the way they lived their life. Fearlessness and adventure coursed through their veins. They were kind and thoughtful and laced with great intentions. They didn't judge or resent others for being different and had no trouble sharing what was on their mind without a filter and with purpose behind it. This person was very much like me but because I put them on a pedestal, I couldn't see that. I could feel myself starting to diminish a little at a time. My goals became childish, my writing incompetent, the love in my heart not as significant and the little things that made me who I am became silly and worthless to me. All I could see was how much better of a person I thought they were than me. "Thought" being the keyword here. How much smarter this person was than me, how much more experienced, how much more kind and thoughtful and happy and lovely. It was awful. I became obsessed, I wanted to be just like them because I thought they were perfect and who I thought I was would never match up. I was stuck in the destructive grips of a special love relationship. A special love relationship is where you idolize another human being by placing them on a pedestal and they become your overall source of happiness. It doesn't always have to be romantic though it can be through a mentor or a teacher or a celebrity but one thing it can never be is helpful. Special love relationships are extremely devastating to your self esteem and they can happen to anyone at anytime. I'm sure you can think of one you've concocted yourself. Whether it be a well known person on instagram, a crush, a famous motivational speaker, that girl on Facebook that seems to have the perfect life. Anyone can affect us and the way we see ourselves. It is a choice though I assure you. A special love relationship is not something that just happens. You make the conscious effort to destruct the moment you decide to put that person and their accomplishments above your own. Now don't get me wrong its fine to look up to someone, just don't lose sight of your light while in awe theirs. Anyways back to my story. I was sitting there projecting this image of perfection onto this person when suddenly something told me I needed to take a step back and look at the damage I had done to myself. I begin to ask myself a series of questions. Why would I allow myself to belittle who I was like that? Why was I so enthralled by this person and their qualities? What made me think they were better than myself? And then it hit me. The light and qualities I admired and celebrated so much in this person were equal to the light and qualities within me. I have a good heart, an open mind, a wonderful way with words and a strong purpose behind them. I live without judgment, I love adventure, i'm kind, thoughtful and my goals are just as good and challenging as anyones. It took me believing in myself to see all of this though. It took, little by little, peeling back the layers I had created to block out my light. It also took me telling myself that the light and qualities I am drawn to in this person is a reflection of my own, no more, no less but completely the same. Over and over and over but finally I was able to see the truth. and set me free, it did. So if you find yourself putting someone else above you or on a pedestal whether it be a lover, a teacher, a crush, a guru, take a step back and ask yourself why am I so drawn to this person, why do I idolize them so much and then slowly start to pull the layers back until you are able to see your light. Until you are able to see the truth, that the light or quality you admire in them is a mere reflection of that which is inside of you. Eventually you'll realize that we are all equal. No human being is better or worse than you. No one is more or less special. We all are one constant source of light and energy and everyone is a big part of it continuing. It's a hard thing to accept but once you do, you're introduced to a whole new way of thinking. There is no longer judgement, hate, jealousy or envy. There is no idolization or obsession. There is only love. Love for yourself, love for your creator and love for the universe and everything that inhabits it. Believe in yourself, know and love who you are, celebrate and nurture your light and never let anyone's light or qualities make you doubt your own. 

Thank you for reading! Sending you all light love and happiness. Namaste. <3Em