EXPOSING THE TRUTH PART ONE

Hi everyone! It has been approximately four months since I posted anything and I apologize for that. I had a few set backs that I have been dealing with and trying to find a place to store them in my mind has taken a lot longer than I thought it would but I'm back, for now any ways and in the spirit of my openness and honesty I thought I'd share with you what I was going through prior to those four months.  I know I usually post things about fashion of my adventures but tonight I wanted share something that I recently went through with you.

For those of you who know me, I'm sure you're highly aware of my feelings on bullying, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, pretty much any kind of abuse but for those of you who don't, I'll explain. I am extremely against bullying and any kind of abuse and after my experiences with it, I swore up and down that I would never let it happen to me again or so I thought.  I've always said I would never tolerate a man putting his hands on me or disrespecting me as a person. I would shake my head in shame for the women that stayed with an abusive person, I never understood it and I couldn't help but lose respect for those women that chose to stay. Well, I'm here to apologize on behalf of those women because the saying runs true, you never know what someone is going through until you go though it too.

As you all know I was in a relationship with a guy around July and though I excelled at making it seem perfect, the reality of it was far from perfection. The reality is actually hard to digest. Its very difficult to talk about but just knowing I could possibly help someone in my situation see that there is a way out would be more than worth the embarrassment of exposing the truth to you.

Let me make it known that when things were good between him and I, we were great but when they were bad it was catastrophic. He did spoil me with lavish gifts and expensive trips at the beginning of our relationship and at first he was perfect but I would soon realize how short-lived that would be. We dated for five months and not even two months into our relationship, we began fighting. Our fights weren't just minor miscommunications, they were full on, screaming matches except I never screamed back, I somehow would lose my ability to speak and it would just be him in my face verbally throwing all my insecurities into focus. He violated my spirit, my mind and even my body over and over again. He went as far as to tell me not to wear something and if I tried to stand up to him he never failed to make me regret it. He had no problem making me feel stupid or ridiculing me for my passions and beliefs. And I can honestly say I have never been in so much physical and emotional pain in my entire life. I was completely alone and miserable, I started questioning my sanity, my worth, why I was still breathing. I truly thought about checking into a mental hospital because he messed me up so badly. I was not allowed to wear anything to bed even if I was freezing because he would get mad. Nothing I ever did was considered enough in his eyes and I just couldn't understand why I was the way I was. I felt defective and completely incompetent. I never told anyone all the things he was doing to me and maybe it was because of fear or embarrassment or it might have been the fact that no one would believe that Mr. perfect could do these kinds of things. Whatever the reason I had no choice but to keep quiet about my personal hell. You might be wondering why I stayed with him for as long as I did. I have never completed anything in my life other than graduating high school, I always give up a couple weeks into something whether it be a job or a project or a relationship (with men anyway). When something gets too hard my automatic response is to shut down give up and walk away. I just really wanted to break the habit, I wanted to make myself grow up so I stayed and endured the pain. I just kept telling myself it would get better, I just have to be a better girlfriend. The day I decided to leave would be one that will stick with me forever.

We had just fought two days before and weren't exactly on talking terms. He left around 2pm and told me he was going to the store for a bit. I said okay I love you, he said nothing. Hours went by with no texts and no calls from him. I had just finished cooking his dinner, it was around 8 pm when I texted him saying I know you don't want to hear from me right now but I just wanted to let you know I made you dinner so its ready for you whenever you get home, I love you. He replied two hours later with five words... "I'm gonna be home late" and I said okay thank you for letting me know. So what's late? 12 am? 3am? 6am? I remember falling asleep on the couch after crying on the phone to my mom for hours. When I woke up, I immediately checked my phone only to find  an empty call list and inbox, the clock read 8am. I went upstairs to see if he had come home while I was sleeping, he hadn't. I told my mom he hadn't come home and that I had yet to hear from him, she told me that I should just pack my things and my dad would be on his way to come get me.

 I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I tried to gather my stuff as fast as I possibly could running to the window to check for his car every two minutes and then I heard the garage door open and my heart just... dropped. I still to this day can't listen to a garage door without my heart plummeting. In that moment I feared for my life. I had no idea what was going to happen. I heard his footsteps and all I remember thinking was "Oh God, please be watching over me right now." As he came into the room our eyes met. I couldn't move. There I stood, packed bags in hand, frozen in fear uncertain of what he would do to me. Instead of questioning what was wrong or suggesting we should sit down and talk about this, his immaturity took over. "Almost got all your stuff packed up?" Yes,. "Your parents coming to get you?" Yes,. "Ok great." He walked out and before I had a chance to recollect what just happened, he charged back in the room with all guns blazing. Screaming in my face, throwing objects at me, ripping my things to shreds and yelling the most awful things you could ever imagine. And even though I was in tears trying to hide from him in the closet, he continued on for what seemed like hours. When my dad finally arrived and I got into his car and we drove away, I cant explain the feeling that came over me as anything else but relief and gratitude. It felt amazing and for the first time in five months, I felt true honest to God happiness.

I still believe to this day if my dad didn't get there when he did, I would've been terribly hurt if not dead. I have no doubts. I feel very lucky and thankful to have been able to get out when I did but some women do not get that chance. If you are in an abusive relationship whether it be verbal, physical, emotional or sexual please know that, that's not real love. Real love is always selfless, kind and accepting. It makes you want to be the best person you can be, it's not supposed to make you feel uncomfortable or like you cant be yourself. Real love doesn't make you question your worth or why you are the way you are and it certainly doesn't make you fear for your life. It makes you feel alive not dead.

I struggle everyday with trying to forgive him and not hate him for the things he did to me and somedays its just too hard to even think about it but I am trying. I have however learned to forgive myself for letting it happen. I think you have to, we're only human and sometimes we forget to watch out for ourselves because we're so wrapped up in that other person and the perfect picture of them we have created in our minds. We get comfortable and don't want to leave even though we know how much we need to. There's a quote that I absolutely love, "Life and happiness begins at the end of your comfort zone." It's so true, I experienced it when I decided to get out of my abusive relationship and now it's your turn. You have to remember how valuable and vital you are to this world, you need to know that you are wanted and appreciated and that you don't deserve to be treated this way no matter what they've told you or made you believe. Here this when I say, there is nothing wrong with you and that your pain and suffering matters to someone, it matters to me. It's not insignificant and neither are you.

Below are some hotlines that I highly recommend for those of you that need or know someone that needs the support, advice or just someone to listen:

       The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673
     The National Suicide Prevention lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

You can also email me at emmybearrr@yahoo.com and I will be more than happy to listen and help you as much as I can. Thank you so much for reading I know this was a lot and for those of you who made it to this part, I really appreciate you taking the time to do so. I love you and appreciate you all so much and remember I'm only a type away! <3 EM

CHANEL PRODUCT REVIEWS! :)

Hey guys hope all is well! I am literally days away from Vegas and I cannot contain my excitement!! Anyways thats not what this post is about. I recently was introduced Chanel's skin care line by my wonderful boyfriend so i wanted to do a review and share my experiences with these products with you guys :)

I have really oily skin so the lady suggested the Mousse Exfolliante, it has green micro beads that help to scrub away dirt oil and make up as well as gently exfoliate the skin. I loveee this cleanser so much! Usually, youre only supposed to exfoliate once or twice a week but this stuff is so gentle I can use twice a day. You dont need a lot because this stuff foams up pretty well, plus it smells fantastic!

Next she suggested I use a toner to close up my pores after cleaning my face. I adore this toner, its so cool and refreshing it smells great and it doesnt leave your face feeling dry or tight I love it!

She also suggested the Hydra Beauty Serum for my trip to Vegas because of how dry the air is out there. I was really iffy about it just because I try to steer clear of anything with the word hydration in it but its actually really light and makes my face feel silky smooth instead of greasy and gross like most hydrating products. I will definitely continue to use this product before and after vegas because I love the way it feels on my skin!

And lastly for the skin care line, Le Lift creme. This stuff is amazing! First off, I know it says lift but its actually not a lifting cream. Its a smart cream meaning it adjusts to your face chemistry helping to give you the right amount of hydration for your skin type.

Again going back to my oily skin, I try my hardest to stay away from face creams and lotions because I thought I already had plenty of hydration thanks to all the oil accumulating on my face. However oil and hydration are two completely different things and I didnt learn this until the lady at the Chanel counter set me straight. Turns out if you have oily or combination skin and arent using moisturizer day and night, you are actually harming your skin more than helping it and i'll tell you why. When you cleanse oily or combination skin and skip the moisturizer, your face will be dry yes but as the day or night goes by you will accumulate more and more oil because thats the only way your face knows how to react to the dryness causing more breakouts and lots of irritation. Ever since I started using my hydra beauty serum followed by my le lift creme i have seen a dramatic difference in my skin! its less oily, I hardly have any breakouts and my skin has never looked more vibrant and youthful it is a complete night a day.

I also needed a bronzer because my face is really round so I have to contour so she suggested the healthy glow sheer color in the color N40. I really like this bronzer its very light and blends perfectly into my skin plus you can use it as a touch up powder as well.


























I also needed a new foundation because Im not tanning like I was so now all my foundations are way too dark and just look like im wearing dirt. I love this foundation though it keeps my face looking matte pretty much all day but i still have a glow so it doesnt make me look dull and lifeless. I have in it the color beige 2.0

I also needed a new mascara because all mine were getting dried out and old and the lady at the counter  showed me this really cool mascara in blue which at first I was kind of skepitcal but after she applied it my eyes instantly popped and looked bigger. I now cannot go anywhere without putting this mascara on it is amazing! the color is blue 20 by the way.

I have never really had a good blush nor have I ever really used one but I couldnt resist after I saw the difference in my face. You dont need a lot I actually blow off the excess on my brush because if not its way too much! This is in the color tumulte



















I dont really have bags under my eyes but I do have spots and a few imperfections from having acne and I really love how well this covers my spots and marks and it blends so evenly I like to use my beauty blender to get the best results. The color is in beige petale.

I dont know about you but my lips stay chapped all the time! No matter what I put on them or how much I reapply it my lips never stay hydrated so I mentioned this to the lady and she told me that lips are membranes just like the inside of your nose, and most of the lip balms like carmex, blister, and vaseline dont hydrate the lips because it just sits on top of them instead of soaking into them.  With Coco rouge balme thats exactly what the product does. And i can say ever since I started using it my lips are less likely to chap and I dont need to keep reapplying it ever hour.

So thats all my new Chanel products, certainly wont be the last reviews I'll do. I hope you were able to find my reviews and experiences helpful and informative! Feel free to leave me comments below about your favorite Chanel products or if you have any questions about the ones listed above I'll be glad to answer them. Wishing you guys a wonderful week and please stay tuned for my post about my trip to Vegas! God bless! XOXO EM

Getting Ready for Vegas! :)

Hey Lovlies! I hope August has been good to you so far! I'm personally ready for it to be over with for multiple reasons but the biggest one is because I'm going to sin city in September with my sweet man. Ahhh! I am so freaking excited because I have never been to Vegas and its also our first big trip together so lots to look forward to! :) Anyways, I wanted to share some of the goodies I got for my trip with you.

One thing I love about fashion is how much it evolves and changes as you grow into the person you are and as you are introduced to new trends. Its amazing to me to look back on my style in the past year or even five years and see how much its changed. Looking back I would never wear what I wore back then today however, back then I would have never thought to dress the way I do now.  So when I found out we were going to Vegas I pretty much new exactly what I wanted to get! :)

I have had my eye on these ever since they were on preorder on the JS site and I just happened to catch them on sale at Dillards for $40 so I was really happy about that! How cute is the bow?! LOVE.

I initially ordered this navy bandage dress from Celebboutique to go with my Louboutins but then I bought the Jessica Simpson's above which will pop more with the navy.

I'm still on my crop top kick and I probably have about fifty now but I just fell in LOVEE with this cage design from Nasty Gal so sexy and cute.

 loved this print and thought it would be perfect for dinner also fits like a dream! from H&M

Ordered this dress off ebay because I loved the bright color and I thought it would look so good with my tan skin and honey hair! :)

I got this dress from Hot Miami Styles to go with my louboutins. This site is so great because they have all kinds of party and going out dresses for affordable prices. I just love the color and the sweetheart neckline plus its the bandage material I love.

I love my MK gansevoort dont get me wrong but I really needed something structured for on the plane and this was perfect. I didn't order from private gallery I actually bought it from Tjmaxx but it looks exactly like this one.

I know summer is pretty much over but I am obsessed with this color right now and since im going to a really hot and sunny place I thought why not ya know? from Nasty Gal

its a backless maxi with a big bow... need I say more?! from Love Culture, one of my favorite stores!

I also got this bandage dress on ebay to go with my loubis as well. Loved the cut and my shoes are so wow so I needed a simple plain dress to accent them.

I got this top to pair with a black skirt and heels for the convention this is from ebay as well.

So thats all my purchases. Thank you for reading and stay tuned for outfit pictures and a post about my trip! XOXO EM

What I've been up to this month :) (pictures and details from my Stay in Atlanta and getaway to the Beau Rivage)

Hey everyone! I hope all is good with you and your families! I apologize for the sparse posts each month, lately I have been either too preoccupied with activities or I'm without my mac in another state lol But any ways I thought you'd like a little update on whats going on in my world this month and heck I'll throw in some outfit of the day and night details too :) Okay so ever since my last post I've been going non stop with my boyfriend traveling, adventuring, eating oh my gosh eating lol In fact, we eat out so much that I no longer fit into my extra smalls and size zeroes lol Which isn't such a bad thing, I finally have a nice sized booty now :) 

Anyway here's some pictures, events and places from this month :)

   

I wore this to the Beau Rivage in Biloxi, it was the very first getaway with my honey and we had such a great time! 

Top from Tjmaxx, skirt from BCBG, heels from Guess, clutch from Tjmaxx, belt from forever 21

Drink night at the Hard Rock :) 

Dress from Charlotte Russe, shoes from Guess, clutch from tjmaxx, necklace and bracelet from Guess, ring from Charlotte Russe. 

We had dinner at Tien in the IP. I loved the atmosphere and the food was soo good!

Some of the best sushi I've ever had!

On our last day he surprised me with a massage and a facial at the grand. It was so sweet! Dress from Forever 21.

I had my facial and massage done at The Bellissimo spa and salon inside the Grande in Biloxi. The atmosphere was completely relaxed and beautiful. While I was waiting, I took advantage of their steam room which is my favorite. I felt like royalty, I had someone waiting on me hand and foot, bringing me ice cold eucalyptus towels, fresh orange slicesI and this delicious lavender oolong tea. I loved it the only thing that was missing was Adam. He was on the other side getting his services done and I wish I could have enjoyed the spa with him but all in all my experience was nothing short of amazing and I will be going back to receive another facial from a well distinguished esthetician named Ruth she is truly the best I've ever had. When you decide to go for a facial ask for her she's been there for years and you wont be able to stop touching your skin afterwards. Above is what the relaxation room looks like. They have lounge chairs, fresh fruit, tea and its dim and quiet I took a long wonderful nap before my services it was so nice!

My outfit for the Fourth of July, I spent mine driving to Atlanta to see my boo. Dress from Tjmaxx, shoes from BCBG, jewelry from Charming Charlie's and my clutch is from Tjmaxx

Dress from Forever 21, hat from target

                   

 This was my first day in Atlanta. He took me to Neiman Marcus because I had never been and he knows how obsessed I am with Christian Louboutins and how badly I wanted to just try a pair on. So we get there and this guy that works in the shoe section comes over and starts helping me try on the shoes. I actually tried on the daffodil peep toe in a taupe color, and black lady peep toe spikes before my boyfriend brought over the ones pictured above. I tried them on, they fit so perfectly I instantly fell in love with them! When it was time to go I took them off and gave them back to the guy exclaiming, make sure you find them a good home, these are very special to me now. Little did I know the guy that was helping me was actually Adam's personal shopper and while I was looking around waiting for him to come out of the "bathroom," he was back there handing over his card and telling him to bag up the shoes. By the time we left the store, those beauties had already been boxed up, bagged and placed neatly in the car. When we got home I decided to take a shower and he told me to come downstairs when I was done because he had a surprise for me.  Let me just say it being a pair of Louboutins, was the absolute last thing on my mind! We had only been dating for a few weeks so to think that's what it was, was madness to me. When I got downstairs he sat me down on the couch and told me to close my eyes. When I opened them and saw the Neiman Marcus bag sitting in front of me, I completely lost it! I screamed, cried, jumped I mean the works. It was so amazing and the fact that he had planned the whole thing was beyond amazing to me.

Better picture of them they're called lady spiked leopard print platform pump. Soo amaze!!  

Also, I didn't want to wear down the red leather soles so I took them to a cobbler in the Lennox mall call Heel Quik shoe repair and had rubber soles put on the ball of the shoe. It was about $30 and will protect the leather sole as well as make it easier to walk on wet surfaces. Highly recommend doing this!

Second day. By the way, I'm obsessed with maxi skirts right now! Crop top from Tjmaxx, skirt from Charlotte Russe, Turban from ebay, jewelry from Charlotte Russe

Dinner attire. crop top from Charlotte Russe, pleather leggings from Forever 21, Shoes from Polish, clutch from Tjmaxx, jewelry from Juicy Couture. I apologize for the terrible quality, my phone was dying.

Teriyaki glazed salmon with mashed potatoes and spinach from Elevation Chophouse. I wish I could have this dish every single day!

He wanted to be in one :) Crop top from Tjmaxx, skirt from charlotte Russe, necklace from Forever 21,   and ring from Charlotte Russe 

He took me to a place called Street Side Classic Cars, it's a warehouse of literally every kind of classic car you can think of completely refurbished with new interior and everything and the prices are not bad at all. My favorite was the 1969 Shelby Cobra soo beautiful! 

Yummy Sushi from Prime in the Lennox mall so very good!

We also went to the Coco Cola Factory which was awesome! I loved these decorated bottles so neat!

Saturday night, he took me to a fine dining restaurant in Buckhead called Chops Lobster bar pictured above. 

Our appetizer, a delicious selection of lobster tails, shrimp and oysters mmm :)

My entree, rotisserie chicken with mashed potatoes and green beans paired with caramelized onions topped with a honey teriyaki sauce... soo freaking good!

What I wore to Chops. Dress from Charlotte Russe, clutch from Tjmaxx, shoes by Pierre Dumas, bracelet from Juicy Couture, ring from charlotte russe, belt from forever 21.

:)

Beautiful flowers from my love. He customized and put them together all by himself. There are four different pink roses because thats my favorite color and flower, stargazer lilly's, my second favorite flower, purple accent flowers, my second favorite color and a single red rose to represent love. Such a romantic that one! :)

Headed to Gatlinburg. Tank from ebay, skirt from Lush Boutique, shoes by Jessica Simpson, hat from target, watch by Michael Kors, necklace by Tory Burch, ring from Charlotte Russe

At his grandma's :) Dress from Express, hat from target

 This was last weekend when he came to stay with me. Crop top and skirt from Tjmaxx, cuff from body Central, ring from Charlotte Russe, sunnies by Lauren Conrad

Crop top, skirt and jewelry from Body Central, shoes from Tjmaxx

That's all for now! I'll post more pictures soon so stay tuned. Thank you so much for reading! I realize this post was very long so thank you for taking the time you read it!  Wishing you guys and your families a wonderful week ahead, blog you later and much love! XOXO Em

Just a Little Update on Yours Truly :)

Hey Guys long time no post! lol I apologize for that I have been so busy with work and I just got back from my mini vaca at the Beau with my beau but I finally have a moment to post something YAY! So I guess I should update you guys on whats going on in my life right now hmmm where to start.. I met a guy about five weeks ago and he's pretty much amazing to me, he treats me with the utmost respect and every time I turn around he is spoiling me with something and I'm not even sure if we are a title yet. But that doesnt stop him from going completely out of his way to make me smile and I'm loving and appreciating every second of it. But aside from the little treats, we have so much in common and we share the same dreams and wants in life. He owns his own businesses and thats what I want to do, he loves to travel.. me in a nutshell, he even loves Disney... do I even have to explain this? lol And although everything is moving so fast, as far as making future plans and asking me if I'd be willing to move to Atlanta, I honestly feel like this is the turning point in my life I have been praying for, this is the person I have been praying to God about and this is what makes all the pain and heartbreak I went through with the others worth it. I believe this is my reward, my promise from God and man is it beautiful. I know it may be too soon to be saying all of that and I am aware that I could be completely wrong and that it might not work out with us but I cant deny my intuition about all of this and I will never know unless I take a chance so thats what I'm doing until something inside me tells me not to. 

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a   matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.

                               - William Jennings Bryan

Also, I know i keep saying I'll have my video up by a certain time but like I said I have been really bus and a lot is going on right now not to mention the technical difficulties I'm experiencing with this one, the audio and video are completely out of sync for some reason so now i have to figure out how to fix that but hopefully its easy to fix and I can get it up before christmas.. haha! thank you for reading and thanks so much for all your support and sweet words I really appreciate it and they never go unnoticed! Wishing you guys a wonderful and safe Fourth of July with your families, talk to you soon, lots of exciting things to come so stay tuned lovelies! :) 

XOXO Em

My First Shopping Haul Video! :) (Love Culture, Forever 21, Charlotte Russe, Guess)

Hey guys! I hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day, I know I did because I got to go on my friends boat which I've been waiting to do for months! It was good to see him and the weather could not have been more gorgeous!

Everyone I'd like you to meet Minnie's boyfrann, Dutch! He is my friend's yorkie and he is the coolest little dog! We took him on the boat with us and he just had the time of his life! I snapped the cutest picture of him napping in my lap on the way back<3

Any who, I mentioned that I was trying to create a shopping haul video in my previous post and I'm happy to report that the upload was successful! But before you watch it I need to point out a few things about the video, one it is my first video so be kind please. No rude or abrasive comments, they will not be tolerated ever. Second, let me go ahead and apologize… I didn't realize how loud the music on my phone was toward the end of the video so it's a little distracting and hard to hear what I'm saying but it's only the very last parts. Also I realize I say the word cute every five-seconds. That wasn't intentional its just one of those words you don't realize you're saying so much such as; like, umm, uhhh lol Luckily none of those words were abused in the making of this film haha. And lastly I realize that I do not look my absolute greatest in this video.  I resemble a school teacher and my nails are less than presentable but in my defense, I wasn't sure if it would actually upload and follow through with the whole process. But hopefully my glasses and scarce make up wont scare you away lol. However this is just a one time thing and my next video I will be and look more prepared for filming.

                       

I didn't realize it was going to be so short I honestly thought it was going to be more than ten minutes because of how much I talkkk lol But like I said, it's my first video and I'm still trying to get a hang of it my videos in the future will be better. Well, I hope you found it entertaining, I think it shows my personality to a T as well as my attention span haha. Thanks for watching and please let me know what you think of it and if you would like to see more videos like this or outfit videos or whatever just let me know! Wishing you guys a wonderful weekend and a great friday! XOXO EM<3